by melonbread » Sat Jul 09, 2022 10:05 am
Ol' Croney? Oh, trust me. He's still active....
Very active.
First, his torrid affair with VIggo began hot and heavy...
...and only continued in the same manner. Bonin'-berg Alert!
Luckily Viggo is VERY open when it comes to relationships, meaning Cronenperv could get a little side action with Michael Assbender, who has one of the more notoriously big "eXistenZes" in Hollywood. Don't believe me? Just watch the movie, Shame! Full frontal Fass-hog in that flick. Thing looks like an Evian bottle.
Speaking of shame, however, while actors always seemed welcoming to the IT Department-looking Master of Kissing-Type Horror's sloppy, mouth-based advances (after all, what are actors, anyway, but better paid whores, switching out faking orgasms for Asian businessmen with faking emotions for the entire world?), it wasn't enough. Cronenturgid wanted to lay a smooch on one of his contemporary filmmaker peers whom he shared much in common with, Guillermo Del Taco. Unfortunately, the visionary genius and perfectly geometric globe-shaped human does NOT swing that way. Apparently the socially enlightened Frito Bandito can make a movie where a cripple who masturbates and fucks a fish, a domestically abused, sassy Madea-style black woman, and a gay as hell bald painter are the only good people in it and the villain is the equivalent of mixing together every cliche, pure evil, military bad guy character ever, combining them into one human, then throwing in John Wayne Gacy and Lucifer for good measure. Hmm...over-compensating much, El Gordo? Your obvious instinctual dodging of Crone Daddy's kiss....could that be a sign of a homophobe who makes woke fish-fucking movies to distract from your own fear of the most natural and loving thing on earth, men taking their seed that makes life when discharged into a woman through a hole that leads directly to her womb, implying its natural target, but instead discharging it into another man's waste-making area? You hate gay people and your fish movie's script was lazy. I thought you were Mexican, GDT, not black! Regardless, It' was just an attempted kiss, Del Tardo, it's not like Ol' Crone's Disease was going anywhere near your "nightmare alley".
David wasn't as emotionally crushed as the cars were literally and the audience was with disappointment after his film, Crash, but he was severely bummed after Benicio's public rejection. It felt like a bad breakup. They'd had dinner together regularly for years and discussed their favorite films, priding themselves on their eclectic tastes. Davey remembered how GDT used to always say, while reaching for the bill to pay it, "Amigos Por La Differencia Mamito". David knew what that meant...Brothers From Different Mothers. It had touched him, and he ALWAYS let Del Tha Funkee Toro pay for every dinner they ever had, for he worried that offering to do so himself, as a white man from the frozen north, where money flows like wine, would be patronizing and offensive to a Mexican man.
Now, years after such delights, David found himself sitting on a park bench, his weeping having finally subsided. He may have lost an enormous friend, but he was glad, after recalling those memories, that AT LEAST he was on the right side of history and anti-racist during their time together, which should literally the most important thing on any one's mind who has morals. The conundrum now was....who would accept his kiss next? It turned out that VIggo wasn't as pro- polyamory as he let on, and despite Guillermo's rejection, was hurt that David had even tried and blocked him on every social media platform, even the secret one only famous people can use, called Illuminetwork. "Theres always Fassbender, that tart. A power bottom if there ever was one." David thought to himself with a subtle but devious grin that only the director of the film, "A Dangerous Method" could grin. Then he saw it. A neon digital billboard on the side of the building before him, showing news footage. Michael Fassbender was being tapped, or at least approached, to star in the film, Assassin's Creed II. Cronenberg, who literally made a career out of devising devices, beings, and creatures all with fleshy or gooey attributes intended to induce revulsion in the viewer, found himself at that moment, about to puke himself. How could Michael stoop so low? Sure, David openly would cite the first Assassin's Creed film as his film of the year that year, and genuinely thought it a masterpiece. But a sequel?
Cronen hated sequels and had never done one, despite offers. Michael, too, was now off the table. It was then that he realized...he created body horror not only to gross others out, but to work through his OWN fears through a convoluted but thus far effective form of exposure therapy. His own body disgusted him. The mystery of how and why he had it, how it worked, why and when it would fail. It trumped any unseen Lovecraftian beast god. The human body was truly the most terrifying monster because it was real...and he was trapped in it. His realization brought with it another revelation, however. To combat his fear of his own body, he had made countless films with shockingly intimate bodily carnage and mutation....but that wasn't enough. It was someone ELSE's body, or more regularly, simply a prop. He knew now that it was finally time.
Time to heal...time to treat himself for once...
Time to learn to finally love his
own body, with no horror....to embrace
himself.
Ol' Croney? Oh, trust me. He's still active....
[b]Very[/b] active.
First, his torrid affair with VIggo began hot and heavy...
[img]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FS-lCJgaIAA-vue.jpg[/img]
...and only continued in the same manner. Bonin'-berg Alert!
[img]https://www.corriere.it/methode_image/2019/02/18/Moda/Foto%20Moda%20-%20Trattate/17spe02f2_0-kfQ-U31009467806720UG-593x443@Corriere-Web-Sezioni.JPG[/img]
Luckily Viggo is VERY open when it comes to relationships, meaning Cronenperv could get a little side action with Michael Assbender, who has one of the more notoriously big "eXistenZes" in Hollywood. Don't believe me? Just watch the movie, Shame! Full frontal Fass-hog in that flick. Thing looks like an Evian bottle.
[img]https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c4/2c/08/c42c08fc750516001a6643dabd493c7b.jpg[/img]
Speaking of shame, however, while actors always seemed welcoming to the IT Department-looking Master of Kissing-Type Horror's sloppy, mouth-based advances (after all, what are actors, anyway, but better paid whores, switching out faking orgasms for Asian businessmen with faking emotions for the entire world?), it wasn't enough. Cronenturgid wanted to lay a smooch on one of his contemporary filmmaker peers whom he shared much in common with, Guillermo Del Taco. Unfortunately, the visionary genius and perfectly geometric globe-shaped human does NOT swing that way. Apparently the socially enlightened Frito Bandito can make a movie where a cripple who masturbates and fucks a fish, a domestically abused, sassy Madea-style black woman, and a gay as hell bald painter are the only good people in it and the villain is the equivalent of mixing together every cliche, pure evil, military bad guy character ever, combining them into one human, then throwing in John Wayne Gacy and Lucifer for good measure. Hmm...over-compensating much, El Gordo? Your obvious instinctual dodging of Crone Daddy's kiss....could that be a sign of a homophobe who makes woke fish-fucking movies to distract from your own fear of the most natural and loving thing on earth, men taking their seed that makes life when discharged into a woman through a hole that leads directly to her womb, implying its natural target, but instead discharging it into another man's waste-making area? You hate gay people and your fish movie's script was lazy. I thought you were Mexican, GDT, not black! Regardless, It' was just an attempted kiss, Del Tardo, it's not like Ol' Crone's Disease was going anywhere near your "nightmare alley".
[img]https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/canadian-director-david-cronenberg-acknowledges-receiving-an-hommage-picture-id1027655608?s=594x594[/img]
David wasn't as emotionally crushed as the cars were literally and the audience was with disappointment after his film, Crash, but he was severely bummed after Benicio's public rejection. It felt like a bad breakup. They'd had dinner together regularly for years and discussed their favorite films, priding themselves on their eclectic tastes. Davey remembered how GDT used to always say, while reaching for the bill to pay it, "Amigos Por La Differencia Mamito". David knew what that meant...Brothers From Different Mothers. It had touched him, and he ALWAYS let Del Tha Funkee Toro pay for every dinner they ever had, for he worried that offering to do so himself, as a white man from the frozen north, where money flows like wine, would be patronizing and offensive to a Mexican man.
Now, years after such delights, David found himself sitting on a park bench, his weeping having finally subsided. He may have lost an enormous friend, but he was glad, after recalling those memories, that AT LEAST he was on the right side of history and anti-racist during their time together, which should literally the most important thing on any one's mind who has morals. The conundrum now was....who would accept his kiss next? It turned out that VIggo wasn't as pro- polyamory as he let on, and despite Guillermo's rejection, was hurt that David had even tried and blocked him on every social media platform, even the secret one only famous people can use, called Illuminetwork. "Theres always Fassbender, that tart. A power bottom if there ever was one." David thought to himself with a subtle but devious grin that only the director of the film, "A Dangerous Method" could grin. Then he saw it. A neon digital billboard on the side of the building before him, showing news footage. Michael Fassbender was being tapped, or at least approached, to star in the film, Assassin's Creed II. Cronenberg, who literally made a career out of devising devices, beings, and creatures all with fleshy or gooey attributes intended to induce revulsion in the viewer, found himself at that moment, about to puke himself. How could Michael stoop so low? Sure, David openly would cite the first Assassin's Creed film as his film of the year that year, and genuinely thought it a masterpiece. But a sequel?
Cronen hated sequels and had never done one, despite offers. Michael, too, was now off the table. It was then that he realized...he created body horror not only to gross others out, but to work through his OWN fears through a convoluted but thus far effective form of exposure therapy. His own body disgusted him. The mystery of how and why he had it, how it worked, why and when it would fail. It trumped any unseen Lovecraftian beast god. The human body was truly the most terrifying monster because it was real...and he was trapped in it. His realization brought with it another revelation, however. To combat his fear of his own body, he had made countless films with shockingly intimate bodily carnage and mutation....but that wasn't enough. It was someone ELSE's body, or more regularly, simply a prop. He knew now that it was finally time.
Time to heal...time to treat himself for once...
Time to learn to finally love his [b]own[/b] body, with no horror....to embrace [b]himself[/b].
[img]https://media-prod.fangoria.com/images/the-death-of-david-cronenberg-1632156688.original.png[/img]
